leavin' on my mind*

I'm starting to get more freaked out about leaving the country. I think my anxiety is emanating from a couple different sources, most of which I can do something about. I don't know very much about what is going on when I get there (where I'll stay in Accra that first night, how I'll get to Kumasi, when I'll meet up with the IDEC students that will be there also, etc), but obviously those are things I can plan or find out. I have a ridiculous amount of stuff crammed into my little apartment, and I'm not sure if it will all fit in a storage unit, but packing up some more of it and getting some price quotes on storage units would probably help.

And then there's the fact that I will be very far away from the west coast of the United States for 3 months. This is obviously a choice that I am making freely, and for the most part happily. I'm already be accustomed to being away from many of the people that I care about, so the additional distance will be difficult, but probably not overwhelming (one concern that I have is the ease of internet access in Kumasi--I don't think connections are as fast and cheap there as in India, and apparently there's an energy crisis happening in Ghana, so electricity could be especially inconsistent). I'm even used to be away from DWE for longish stretches of time, which helps. But usually "longish" means 3, not 13, weeks. By the time I get back, we will have been dating for almost a year, but a fourth of that will have been while I was in Ghana, to say nothing of the weeks and weeks that he has spent travelling as well (I know it's hard to believe, but I swear he and I do actually know each other--surprisingly well, in fact). I want desperately to tell you that I am not pathetically depressed about leaving in general, and leaving DWE in particular, but I really kind of am both depressed and pathetic.

To ease my pain, I think I'm going to make up a reason that I "need" to go to Target today. I can't really afford to engage in much retail therapy, but I can at least soak up the shiny American materialism, and probably pick up some more packing tape or something.



*This, as you may know, is the slightly modified (should be "your", not "my") title of a Patsy Cline song (well, I don't know who wrote it, or if someone else sang it before her, but she does a version of it). Last night I had a dream that I was auditioning for my old high school drama teacher and I had to sing a song for her. I practiced a Lionel Richie song (don't ask me why or which one...I think it wasn't even a real song, just something my subconscious made up), but then when I got up for my audition, they played "Foolin' 'Round" (by Patsy Cline) instead, so I got all flustered and tried to sing that instead. And then my drama teacher criticized my outfit, and then I woke up. All in all, much better than my usual anxiety dream, which involves climbing down from someplace precarious and high up without sufficient footholds.