One thing about finding a job relatively quickly (and with shamefully little effort, unless you count worrying and feeling inadequate as putting forth "effort") is that I never got desperate or curious enough to really look for jobs anywhere outside of the Bay Area. Now that I have a job that I'm enthusiastic about, there's essentially no chance that I will be living anywhere but the Bay Area through at least June 2008. I made a conscious decision to move back to SF at the expense of other alternatives (and maybe "move back" isn't even the right phrase, because it still feels like my home as much as it ever did). And there was, quite frankly, only one other alternative: Portland, Oregon.
So here I am in Portland, and if I'm not exactly doubting the haste and blitheness with which I made my decision, I'm at least feeling palpably the costs of that decision. I love it here. It isn't just that I have so many good friends here, or that the weather is pleasing, or that I know the bus system. Those things I knew, and I remembered when I decided not to move back here. The thing I didn't remember was how much I love Portland in the same irrational and wide-eyed way that one loves another person. I just want to stare at Portland for hours. I want to ride over the bridges in Tri-Met buses even if I have no where to go. I want to wander the aisle of the Hawthorne Fred Meyer, and then when I get bored of that, I want to go to the Broadway Fred Meyer. When people mention Modest Mouse or The Decemberists or Matt Groening or Bruce Springsteen's first wife, I want to say, "They're from Portland, because everything great is from Portland, because Portland is the best city in the world." I want to pay $0.99, not $1.07, for something that costs $0.99. I want to go out to Beaverton and go to all the little restaurants we used to go to when I worked at the Employment Department. Then I want to ride the MAX from Beaverton to the airport. But when I get to the airport I don't want to leave.
Alas, I do have to leave, in just a few days. I already made my decision. I chose SF because I was already there, and I have good friends there too. I chose it because in theory it's one of the greatest cities in the world, and in practice I think it's pretty cool. I chose it because the buses are cheaper and run later. And, yeah, mostly I chose it because I have one particular friend there that I could probably stare at for even longer than I could stare at Portland, although he'd almost certainly get creeped out and make me stop.
Other than my hopeless pining away for the city itself, I'm having a really good time. MJ's wedding reception was a great party, and I found myself all emotional that my little girl is a grown-up married lady! She and her hubby (does he have a blog name? I can't remember...) are clearly incredibly happy and incredibly good for each other, so yay! It's been really great to see all of my friends. Everyone seems to have something interesting going on--exciting trips, new and/or growing kids, cool projects and career plans, etc. I'm hoping that despite working almost-full-time, I'll have more chances to come up here and visit (and more importantly, more money to do so).
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9 comments:
It's funny, when people ask me if I love Paris, my answer has always been the same: London is my first love, and I treat it that way (it can do no wrong, I've not yet been hurt by it so I'm not cynical or jaded about it, every moment is a new thrill); Paris is my more mature, second love. It's still love, unadulterated, but a love that is more cautious, more ready to acknowledge and ultimately overcome the flaws, more complicated. IMHO, seems to be an interesting parallel.
BTW, don't overly generalize your friends: I have NOTHING of interest going on right now, I assure you.
I love you too J. please don't leave me! Is it because my public transportation cannot always be exactly on time?
Remember me, once in a while, please promise me you'll try.... I never said, our love was evergreen or as unchanging as the sun, but if you can remember, stop and think of me...
I am very happy that you love Portland so much, although very sad that for the mean time you will not be here. It is a little strange, however, to hear it talked about so devotedly, since I grew up here and it (sometimes) seems a litle routine. Maybe I take it for granted....(and I didn't realize how poetic the City can be till I read the above response) But the City isn't going anywhere (alhtough it is getting a little too crowded at times...), and I am always finding that there are new things to do (like Shakespeare in the park) and most of us who are here, as far as I know, will be sticking around for awhile. Although now Jon has decided Edinburgh is a nice place to live too...
i think that was the coolest blog entry i've read in a long time. it was very well-written and made me actually see portland, specifically from the vantage point of coming over the markham bridge, with the sun having set enough behind the west hills not to blind me but still up enough to illuminate everything and make little sparkly specks on the willamette. i miss portland terribly, too...
-mj
p.s. matt's blog name is just matt. i suppose i could have come up with something slightly more clever like sexy hippie man or brewer guy or senor grouchy-pants or my wonderful husband (what i've been calling him lately), but i missed the boat on that one.
Re: residents of Portland... Don't forget Todd Haynes! He's much more interesting than, say, that Simpsons guy.
And don't Gus Van Sant and Stephen Malkmus live there now? I suppose that wouldn't make them from Portland, but still...
Let us know how the new job goes!
Dammit, Jenn would never talk about me that way. No one EVER stares at me, except with curious revulsion. Dontcha remember all the fun we used to have, like when you drove through me in a big hurry on your way to the beach, or you stopped for barbecue chips that one time?
oh west salem...pat the cook loves you... ;)
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